How to Break Free from Obsession: A Guide to Moving On
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Understanding Obsession
It's common to feel an overwhelming attachment to someone special, as if every song on your playlist is a reminder of them. The thrill of receiving a text notification from them can dominate your thoughts.
Take for instance a man who initially seemed shy and introverted. He was often described as a "romantic." Although he struggled to express his feelings, he was loyal and deeply romantic—an embodiment of how introverts can be surprisingly affectionate.
His feelings intensified when he met Rev during a Christmas gathering. Her intelligence sparkled in her eyes, and her beautiful smile lit up his world. She left a memorable impact on him, which he couldn't ignore.
After confiding in his best friend about his feelings, he discovered that Rev worked in his friend’s girlfriend’s office. When his friend mentioned his interest, she facilitated a coffee meeting, which turned out to be a pivotal moment for both of them. They began communicating on Snapchat and eventually shared a dinner. However, after just four days, he learned that Rev was already in a long-distance relationship.
The signs were there—frequent video calls and affectionate gestures during their conversations—but he was blinded by his feelings. Additionally, she kept her personal life private, a common trait among many women when meeting someone new.
As weeks passed, his thoughts about Rev spiraled. He began to create scenarios in his mind, constantly questioning if she was busy or if there was something more. This obsession became all-consuming, affecting his daily life and happiness.
What Causes Obsession?
But what triggers such obsession? The science behind it lies in our brain's chemistry. In high school, we learn about the midbrain, specifically the ventral tegmental area (VTA), which plays a crucial role in our feelings of desire and obsession.
Dopamine, a neurotransmitter responsible for pleasure, gets released in the VTA, especially during euphoric moments like meeting someone new. Each interaction with Rev flooded his brain with dopamine, making him feel ecstatic—an experience that's highly addictive.
Moreover, our brains are wired to remember these pleasurable moments, leading him to act obsessively, wanting to relive that happiness over and over. Emotions, too, play a significant role in obsession. For someone who is naturally introverted, emotional connections can intensify feelings of attachment. As he spent more time with her, his emotional bond deepened, fueling his obsession.
Breaking Free from Obsession
If I were in his shoes, here’s how I would work on overcoming this fixation:
#1. Sever Connections
Given that she was already in a relationship, his first step should be to prioritize himself. He would need to disconnect from her on social media and avoid any interactions. Constantly checking her posts would only deepen his obsession, making it nearly impossible to move on.
#2. Recognize the Difference Between Attraction and Love
It’s essential to distinguish between initial attraction and genuine love. His feelings were sparked by her appearance during their first meeting, but true love encompasses more than just looks. Accepting this fact can help him gain clarity.
#3. Find Distractions
The next step involves diverting his focus away from her. Engaging in activities such as traveling or spending time with friends can provide a much-needed distraction. For instance, after facing a setback in my own life, I found solace in a three-day trip with my support system, which helped me regain my confidence.
After temporarily distracting himself, it would be time to explore new connections. With billions of people in the world, he should consider dating apps or even blind dates. Finding someone new could serve as a permanent distraction, shifting his focus away from Rev and potentially altering the neural pathways in his brain.
In conclusion, overcoming obsession is a journey that requires self-reflection and proactive steps. I hope these insights resonate with you. If you enjoyed this read, consider subscribing to my Medium newsletter.
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