Chapter 1: A Birthday to Remember

On May 14th, 2022, I found myself in Valencia, Spain, celebrating my good friend Joey Campbell's birthday. After a refreshing nine hours of sleep, I woke up feeling much better from the jet lag and ready to explore. Joey, who was traveling with me through Europe, was in the bunk next to mine. The first task of the day involved presenting him with a birthday card from his girlfriend, Ellie, which I had carefully packed before leaving home. Thankfully, it survived the journey and was in good condition. Joey was pleasantly surprised and grateful—mission accomplished!

Following a round of the Bring Sally Up push-up challenge, a café con leche, and some fruit, we ventured into the bustling plazas before arriving at Mercat Central València, the city's central market.

Later, we met up with Joey's friend Jack and his girlfriend, Fernanda. Before heading to the beach, Joey and I decided to grab two forty-ounce Amstel cervezas. We enjoyed our drinks in the metro station and on the subway, likely breaking some unwritten rules given the curious glances we received. Once we reached Playa El Cabanyal, the beach was a vibrant scene of people escaping the summer heat in the refreshing Balearic Sea. We spent hours frolicking in the waves, lounging on the beach, and politely declining the vendors' offers.

As the sun set and the hour grew late, we found ourselves in a lively outdoor plaza adorned with shops and eateries. It was a bustling scene, with numerous patrons enjoying drinks and engaging in animated conversations. In that moment, I had an astonishing realization: not a single person was glued to their phone. I scanned the crowd, astonished to see everyone fully immersed in their conversations and enjoying one another's company.

In today's world, being without a device in hand is increasingly rare. Next time you're out, take a moment to observe your surroundings. In the United States, it's common to see people of all ages frequently checking their devices.

Since that night in Valencia, I've made a conscious effort to minimize phone usage in social settings. After several months of this practice, I've discovered how liberating it can be. Who would have thought that stepping away from our devices could foster such empowerment? By not being attached to my phone, I've learned to stay present, navigate awkward silences, and engage more deeply with those around me.

"Before the advent of smartphones, people embraced silence during conversations. Instead of retreating into an app, we would simply sit with our thoughts. Nowadays, a lull in conversation often prompts friends to pull out their phones. Our habit of multitasking is eroding our connection to the world around us. We should cherish our smartphones while valuing real human connections, not the other way around." ~ Newspring

While I’m not suggesting you need to lock your phone away every time you attend a social event or go on a date—it's wise to have it handy for navigation or safety—it’s essential to recognize when to engage with technology and when to put it aside. Device abstinence refers to the intentional choice to refrain from using your devices to enhance your presence and engagement in the moment. It’s not about avoiding your phone entirely; rather, it's about recognizing when to set it aside to fully immerse yourself in the moment. Given our increasingly digital lives, it’s a term that perhaps merits its existence.

The irony is that while devices like phones, tablets, and computers are designed to enhance our lives, they can also become distractions that adversely affect our well-being. If these tools begin to detract from our quality of life, it becomes crucial to take action—sometimes, the best course is to abstain.

Initially, practicing device abstinence can be challenging, as it requires overcoming the tempting urge to compulsively check your phone. However, the rewards are significant. The goal isn’t akin to abstaining until marriage; it's about intentionally stepping away from your device for short periods to seek presence, peace, and contentment. The question isn't about how long you must endure but rather the motivation behind your choice.

When I turn off my phone and attend social events, I choose to engage with those around me rather than checking my Twitter feed or scrolling through Instagram. I would never trade genuine social connections for a moment of digital distraction. If you’re looking for a place to start, try not using your phone for the first two hours of your day. It might be more challenging than you anticipate, but it will reveal much about your digital habits.

For those willing to push further, consider abstaining from your device during downtime. It turns out that experiencing boredom can actually be beneficial.

"Historically, boredom prompted inward reflection and mind-wandering, which serves as a restorative state that enhances our ability to focus and be productive. It allows for introspection and the development of creative solutions to improve our lives. Time spent in this unfocused mode—rediscovering boredom—is crucial for productivity, creativity, and processing complex information." ~ Michael Easter

While our devices are incredibly useful, turning to them to escape reality can lead to negative consequences. Platforms like Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, and YouTube act like slot machines, drawing on our attention and emotions instead of money. The allure of social media can superficially satisfy our desire for connection, yet paradoxically, the more time I spend on these platforms, the less social I become—ironic, isn’t it?

However, as I learned in Valencia, it is possible to disconnect from your phone and immerse yourself fully in the world around you. The key lies in how you respond to discomfort. If you continuously seek to escape feelings of discomfort by checking your phone, you may inadvertently teach yourself that fleeing from your emotions is the solution. Trust me, that’s not a healthy strategy. Having experienced internalized feelings without seeking help, I can attest that the resulting mental turmoil is far from enjoyable. Conversely, if you confront discomfort with honesty, openness, and proactive steps, you can overcome it and discover genuine contentment awaiting you on the other side. And remember, asking for help is perfectly acceptable; I learned that lesson only after many years.

Keep striving for connection.

Cheers,

Noah Cracknell

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