Section 1.1: Recognizing Triggers

To improve our communication, we need to identify triggers that lead to unthoughtful reactions. Often, we adopt superficial techniques when interacting with others, sometimes without even realizing it. We may aim for deeper connections, but when faced with certain triggers, our efforts can quickly unravel.

Consider Maria, who has a complex relationship with her parents. During a dinner visit, she intends to foster a positive atmosphere, but upon receiving a critique, she falls into a trap of conflict that lasts for hours.

The encouraging aspect is that these defensive habits can be replaced. By identifying what prompts impulsive reactions, you can modify your responses.

Here are some strategies to use when feeling “attacked”:

• Pause before responding
• Take a deep breath
• Understand the context of the situation
• Choose the most constructive way to address it
• Avoid stammering, as it may convey uncertainty (think before you speak)

Every day, we witness continuous dialogues in TV shows and films, as if no one pauses to think. However, these are scripted scenarios, unlike our real-life conversations. Embracing silence can often be more beneficial than offering hasty responses.

I recall an exercise from a course in 2012 focused on managing unexpected and negative situations. We were tasked with presenting on a topic of our choice. I spoke about Chamarrita, a traditional dance from the Azores. Mid-presentation, the instructor interrupted me mockingly, implying my topic was trivial.

Instead of reacting defensively, I took a breath and replied with enthusiasm:

“Really? That means I can also dance salsa! Thank you for the insight!”

This approach transformed an uncomfortable moment into a positive exchange.

If you find it challenging to respond in similar situations, consider these techniques to buy yourself time:

• Ask for clarification: “Could you please repeat that?”
• Pose a question to clarify: “Just to be sure I understand…?”
• Start by acknowledging the comment: “Great point / Excellent question!”

Recognizing situations and themes that provoke discomfort is the first step toward refining your communication.

Section 1.2: Enhancing Communication Skills

To further improve your communication, consider these practices:

• Listen more than you speak
• Nod your head to show engagement and understanding
• Observe body language to assess congruence with verbal messages
• Use open-ended questions to encourage elaboration
• Reflectively listen and paraphrase what the speaker has said
• Identify underlying feelings and core issues
• Engage in constructive confrontations
• Maintain a friendly tone, especially if faced with an upset individual
• Deliberate on your responses before speaking
• Favor positive and supportive language
• Collaborate on solutions rather than assigning blame
• In group discussions, ensure everyone is involved in decision-making
• Set deadlines for actions and adhere to them

Like any skill, effective communication is learned and refined over time. Understanding your triggers and how to respond can lead to significant improvement. This is particularly vital in leadership roles, where communication is paramount. I’m continually learning too, and this journey enhances both self-awareness and understanding of others.

Lastly, always communicate with a smile. In virtual environments, it’s crucial that your messages convey warmth and approachability, even if your webcam is off.

Keep practicing and evolving in your communication skills!

Have a fantastic day!

Alexandra Sousa

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