Chapter 1: Understanding the Nature of Pain

Leaning into our pain may seem paradoxical, but it's a necessary journey for healing.

For nearly two decades, I expertly evaded my pain. I learned to suppress any form of discomfort, whether mental or physical, using rationalization to dismiss emotions like guilt, fear, and anger. My avoidance strategies became so advanced that I was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder by the age of 28. Despite my efforts, the pain remained—buried beneath layers of numbness, festering and waiting for its moment to surface. Eventually, I reached a breaking point.

As I approached my 30th birthday, the isolation I felt overwhelmed my brain's default coping mechanisms. While I had successfully numbed feelings of guilt, fear, and anger, I also lost the capacity for empathy, joy, and love. My dissociation rendered me unable to forge genuine connections. Stripped of both pain and its counterpart, my perception of reality became flat and surreal; everything felt hazy and unreal.

In search of relief, I began Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy—a method designed to help individuals confront trauma and release pent-up emotions. The process proved effective. As I focused on a blue square moving across my laptop screen, I felt the pain rising within me. It seemed like an endless abyss, and I feared that looking too deeply would lead to my downfall.

Despite my trepidation, I ventured into that abyss. For the first time in years, I confronted the full spectrum of my emotions—the hurt, the shame, the fear, and the anger. In that moment, I realized that suffering isn't merely a deep, dark hole; it's a gateway to being present and discovering our true selves.

This realization contradicts societal norms, where distractions—be it pharmaceuticals, consumerism, or technology—are favored over genuine emotional engagement. Our culture often labels feelings as weaknesses, implying that emotional men are "weak" and emotional women are "hysterical." However, confronting suffering is, in fact, one of the most courageous acts one can undertake.

Research validates that embracing emotional acceptance leads to better psychological health, reduced instances of depression and anxiety, and lower rates of inflammatory diseases. Why? Decades of mindfulness research indicate that being present with negative emotions does not intensify them; rather, it facilitates their release.

In a recent episode of The Huberman Lab podcast, Andrew Huberman spoke with acclaimed author and sociologist Martha Beck about the importance of mind-body practices. Beck described her own journey of understanding suffering as a pathway to self-discovery, sharing profound insights: "Pay attention to your suffering without resisting it. Allow it to exist. When I felt something painful—physically or emotionally—I used to tell myself to 'let go,' but that didn’t help. Then one day, I decided to accept it, and as soon as I did, it began to transform."

However, simply allowing suffering to exist is just the beginning. The next step is to observe it without imposing labels or judgments. Listen to your pain as a form of communication from your body—it is indeed signaling something important. Perhaps your discomfort presents itself as a heavy weight in your stomach or a persistent cloud of dread enveloping you. Regardless, resist the urge to alter, numb, or escape it. Accept it as it is.

By doing so, your pain can evolve into something entirely different: a window into your authentic self.

As I continue my journey of self-discovery, I invite you to explore my memoir at www.mariacassano.com/numb.

Section 1.1: The Process of EMDR Therapy

Chapter 2: The Power of Acceptance

In the video "Take My Pain Away - Where Do We Find Joy in Suffering?" the discussion revolves around the paradox of finding joy amidst suffering, drawing insights from Psalm 121 and 1 Peter 4:12-19.

The second video, "Pain is Inevitable, but Suffering is a Choice" by Dong Ye at TEDxUniMelb, emphasizes the importance of perspective in managing pain and suffering.