Chapter 1: The Struggle with Pain

For much of my life, pain has been a constant companion. However, I've learned to navigate this challenge, using it as a catalyst for personal growth. This journey is one that anyone can undertake, learning to evolve into the best version of themselves.

Frustration often accompanies chronic illness, creating a cycle that can feel never-ending. You become ill, recover, feel better, and then fall ill again—an exhausting pattern that can leave you feeling like a fragile garment that's been mishandled in the wash.

Years ago, I experienced severe psoriasis during the frigid winter months. My legs would crack and bleed, resembling ice splitting apart, leaving me marked and in pain. Yet, I persevered. I continued to walk, work in theater, attend school, and hold down a job. Over time, my condition improved with medication and persistence. I faced struggles, but I could see progress over the years.

Recently, X-rays revealed compression in my spine—injury typically seen in athletes, yet my activities hardly warranted such damage. The frustration was overwhelming as I watched the stability I had built begin to falter, and my emotional state was thrown into chaos by the physical deterioration.

Despite this, I sought solace in the same old patterns of acceptance and compassion that had previously supported me. However, in the face of debilitating sciatic pain, those well-honed skills felt ineffective. The mental practices of Stoicism and meditation seemed inadequate against a looming disability that threatened to shatter my aspirations.

Then came a moment of clarity.

You know that feeling of inspiration? It's like a refreshing breeze on a scorching day or the joyful sound of birds singing on a rainy morning. It’s a shift from despair to a new understanding.

In "The Hero With a Thousand Faces," Joseph Campbell notes that a hero must open their soul to such a degree that they can find meaning in the chaos and tragedies of life. My own breakthrough came from embracing the frustration I felt.

Emotions serve as guides toward truth; anger signals that something is amiss. While unchecked anger can consume us, acknowledged anger can connect us to the universe. Frustration, similarly, indicates that previous attempts are failing. It prompts a reevaluation of our established methods.

I experienced profound frustration as my previous coping mechanisms no longer sufficed. Yet, I clung to them, believing they could still offer relief. Only by stepping back and accepting that my past strategies were inadequate did I discover a new path. It was in admitting, “I might never recover,” that I began to see improvement.

Now, my old coping tools are being reshaped with newfound purpose. Each day, I grow stronger and more self-assured because I chose to heed my frustration.

I've found greater happiness and health by releasing my expectations of how things should be and accepting my current reality. The act of surrendering to my circumstances opened the door to healing.

So, the next time frustration arises, take a moment to listen. It carries an important message. Allow yourself to pause and reflect, and you may uncover the path to freedom that has always been within reach.

Explore the difference between clean and dirty pain, and how to process your emotions effectively.

Chapter 2: Embracing Healing

In this chapter, I share my journey through anger and frustration, particularly regarding the pain inflicted by others. Healing is not a linear process, and acknowledging our emotions is essential for growth.

Join me as I explore the anger surrounding the pain caused by others in a personal healing vlog.