Chapter 1: The Misunderstanding of Responsibility

In the journey of parenting, especially for those with AuDHD children, it’s essential to recognize that responsibility does not equate to blame, even though many people conflate the two.

> "You must take responsibility for your actions, young man!" This statement is valid; however, it often leads to an emphasis on the negative outcomes rather than exploring constructive solutions.

From an early age, children can internalize shame, believing that they are the problem rather than merely their decisions.

When my sons were younger, they made a lot of mistakes, particularly when it came to spilling or breaking things. With three boys diagnosed with AuDHD (autism and ADHD), it was vital to cultivate problem-solving skills and resilience—qualities any child should learn. However, with our kids, this process required a more intentional and cooperative approach.

When accidents occurred in our home, our reactions avoided frustrated lectures filled with questions like:

• "What’s wrong with you?"
• "Are you foolish?"
• "You really make me lose my patience sometimes!"

I admit there were times when I let my emotions get the best of me, and I regretfully frightened my family. These outbursts stemmed from trauma and emotional dysregulation.

This behavior occurred prior to our diagnoses, but once I gained clarity, I stopped making excuses and committed to personal growth. It took years of effort, not just a quick workshop.

Enhancing your parenting skills doesn’t imply that you’re a bad parent or a poor individual; think of it as training to become a pilot.

You need to learn how to navigate storms, turbulence, and rough landings while supporting your child.

We gradually began to view mistakes as chances to be inventive, often using phrases like:

• "Well, that happened. What should we do now?" instead of,
• "Why do you always mess this up?"

This is a simplified illustration, of course. The beliefs we hold about parenting shape our words and actions, often leading to instinctive responses rather than rehearsed lines.

While my boys still have significant blind spots due to their diagnoses, they have grown into more self-assured problem-solvers overall, which is a considerable achievement.

Section 1.1: Shifting Perspectives on Mistakes

Content focused on reframing how we view errors and challenges in parenting AuDHD children.

Subsection 1.1.1: The Role of Emotional Regulation

Chapter 2: The Path to Growth and Understanding

In this chapter, we will delve into the ongoing journey of understanding and evolving as a parent of AuDHD children, highlighting the importance of resilience and support.