The Masks We Wear: Understanding the Good Girl and Brave Boy Narratives
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Chapter 1: The Impact of Societal Expectations
In our journey through life, children often lose touch with their true selves as they are shaped by the desires of adults, caregivers, and societal norms. This molding is often accompanied by implicit messages about appropriate behavior, which instill in children the detrimental belief that they must change who they are to be accepted and loved.
Children, particularly those under the age of seven, have a limited ability to analyze and reflect, which can lead them to internalize distorted beliefs. They absorb everything from their surroundings like sponges, accepting it as truth without the ability to critically assess what they are taught. This often results in the adoption of stereotypes and false beliefs that linger in their subconscious, influencing their actions on autopilot.
To navigate adulthood effectively, it becomes crucial to examine the beliefs we hold, understand their origins, assess their relevance to our current lives, and adapt them to align with our present values.
A common narrative that many are familiar with is the idea of being a "good girl" or a "strong boy." How does this narrative affect our perceptions and understanding of ourselves?
Let’s delve into the stories of Layla and Tom for a clearer perspective.
Section 1.1: Layla's Story
As a young girl, Layla embodied a tomboyish spirit, laughing uproariously at jokes and expressing her feelings openly. She relished climbing trees and playing with her male peers, often returning home with dirt-smeared legs and tousled hair. Layla was outspoken and didn't hesitate to confront Tom when he cheated during games. She excelled in races and generously shared her apples with friends who lacked trees of their own.
On rare occasions, she enjoyed dressing up as a princess, complete with a tiara, and descending her staircase with grace. However, her seventh birthday brought a significant change. Her family presented her with a beautifully wrapped gift containing a mask.
"Put this on," her family insisted. "This is your true face from now on—a good girl's mask."
"What is a good girl mask?" Layla inquired, puzzled.
Her family explained that it symbolized perfection and compliance. Wearing it would mean always being neat, obedient, and without desires, effectively hiding her true self from the world.
"I refuse to wear that mask!" Layla exclaimed in distress. "It isn't who I am!"
Her mother suggested swapping the mask for one that represented her interests, but Layla felt confined by the notion of choice.
"I don't want to be a good girl!" she cried. "I cherish being me."
Despite her protests, Layla was told that society's expectations were unchangeable. As the mask was affixed to her face, her vibrant spirit began to dim.
Through the mask, her true emotions faded, leaving behind only pain and confusion. She felt as though she was being told her authentic self was unworthy, leading to a gradual loss of the radiance that once defined her.
Section 1.2: The Weight of Conformity
Layla's mother observed her daughter's distress but felt powerless. "Look at my mask," she said. "Isn't it beautiful? It conceals my flaws."
"Mum, if only you realized how extraordinary you are," Layla sighed, tears falling onto her mother’s hand.
Her grandmother chimed in, dismissing Layla's feelings as naive. "You will understand when you grow older. Everyone must wear a mask."
When society demands conformity, Layla reluctantly complied, though it filled her with resentment. Over time, she forgot about the mask, and when she glanced in the mirror, she believed the mask was her true identity. Despite her achievements, the mask became her guide, overshadowing her essence.
In solitude, Layla’s soul wept, yearning for freedom. "Do you remember me?" her soul whispered, but Layla turned a deaf ear.
"Take off the mask. Be yourself," her soul urged, but Layla felt trapped in her role. "Removing the mask is not an option; it would hurt those around me."
Section 2: Tom's Experience
Tom, too, received a mask on his seventh birthday—a strong boy mask.
"I won't wear that mask!" he protested. "Layla won't recognize me!"
"Stop whining!" his father retorted. "You need to learn toughness. Play with Harry; he will teach you."
Tom felt pressured to conform to ideals he didn’t believe in. The expectations were clear: suppress emotions, embody toughness, and prioritize materialism over genuine connections.
What subconscious beliefs are holding you back? What mask do you wear?
Through journaling, one can reconnect with their true self. Click here for Journaling with Intention—an online course designed to clarify your desires, navigate obstacles, and create the life you envision.
The first video, Brave New Voices That Girl, explores the journey of self-discovery and the societal pressures faced by young girls.
The second video, Russell Simmons Presents Brave New Voices | "That Girl" | HBO, delves deeper into the narratives that shape our identities and challenges us to embrace our true selves.