Understanding the Roots of Impatience and How to Overcome It
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Chapter 1: The Transformation of Patience
In my 20s, I was known for my patience. Long waits in lines? I viewed them as opportunities for contemplation. Someone cutting me off in traffic? Just part of life. Losing something valuable? Sure, I felt frustrated, but I always believed it could be replaced.
Fast forward to my late 30s, and I've noticed a drastic shift. I’ve become much more impatient, especially with my 3-year-old. It's a struggle to manage my feelings of anger towards my own impatience.
Reflecting on this, I stumbled upon a compelling article by Dr. Jim Stone that sheds light on impatience.
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Section 1.1: What Triggers Impatience?
Impatience tends to surface when we have a specific goal in mind and come to realize it will take more effort than we anticipated to achieve it. This often leads to feelings of frustration when our expectations are unmet.
So, what defines impatience? At its core, it’s the unwillingness to wait, often accompanied by feelings of irritability or restlessness. I would add that I experience anger and annoyance when obstacles hinder my progress toward a goal.
For example, getting my son dressed for an outing is usually a battle. I envision a smooth process where he eagerly puts on his jacket and snow pants while we chat about school. Unfortunately, 80% of the time, the reality is quite different—he either runs away or becomes distracted, leaving me feeling furious.
When faced with such challenges, my expectations clash with reality, leading to increased frustration as I realize that achieving my goal will require significantly more time and energy.
Section 1.2: The Cost of Impatience
When we recognize that our goals demand more resources than we initially thought, impatience can push us to either minimize those demands or consider alternative objectives.
As I navigate my son's tantrums, I often question whether it's worth the effort to take him out, blaming external factors like the jam in his sandwich for his behavior. This is my way of rationalizing the cost of pursuing my goal, sometimes leading me to think about how I could be enjoying a quiet coffee instead.
However, the issue lies not with my son but with my own expectations. I need to allocate more time for dressing him and adjust my anticipations of his cooperation.
Chapter 2: Strategies to Manage Frustration
The first video, "This Is Why Some People Are Happier Than Others," delves into the psychology of happiness and explores what differentiates individuals in their pursuit of joy.
In the second video, "The Reasons Why We Struggle With Being Happy," the discussion centers around common barriers to happiness and practical approaches to overcome them.
What can we do when faced with frustrating circumstances? Here’s a thought process to consider:
Take a Deep Breath
Understand that while feeling angry is natural, acting on that anger is not necessary. Practicing self-control is key. Confucius wisely advised to think of the consequences when angry, a principle that applies here.
Identify the Frustrating Goal
In my case, my son’s resistance to getting dressed is the source of my frustration, which impacts my goal of being punctual.
Evaluate Your Options Calmly
Decide whether to find a shortcut, switch your goals, or accept the situation. Dressing my son is a non-negotiable part of our routine; acceptance is often the best approach.
Change Your Mindset
If you choose to accept the situation, be prepared for the added costs and shift your perspective. I can inform my daycare of a slight delay and reflect on why punctuality matters so much to me.
Recognizing that many families wish for children yet cannot have them helps me appreciate my situation more. No matter how challenging things may seem, there are always reasons to find joy.
Navigating frustrating moments can be difficult, but maintaining a rational mindset is crucial for your well-being and relationships.
I hope these insights assist you on your journey to a more content and fulfilling life. Thank you for taking the time to read!
Works Cited
Stone, Jim. “The 7 Laws of Impatience.” Psychology Today, 19 November 2014, The 7 Laws of Impatience | Psychology Today Canada.
Stone, Jim. “Understanding Impatience.” Psychology Today, 19 November 2014, Understanding Impatience | Psychology Today Canada.