Understanding Emotional Neglect in Marriage: Key Indicators
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Chapter 1: The Loneliness of Marriage
The sense of isolation in a marriage can be overwhelming. During a discussion with my husband, I expressed, "It feels lonely being married to you. Sometimes, I fantasize about being with someone who genuinely cares for me." His lack of response spoke volumes, igniting an intense conflict between us, although I was unaware of the simmering anger within him.
In our second session with the marriage counselor, I reflected on our previous counseling experience, which had stemmed from my dissatisfaction with my husband's treatment of me. This time, I recognized that my words had triggered deeper issues.
"I realize this reflects on me," I told the counselor. "What about me led me to choose a partner like this?" His response, "You experienced abandonment from your father, and now you find yourself with a man who emotionally neglects you," shed light on my feelings of loneliness despite being married.
While we shared a home and engaged in activities together, my daily thoughts, aspirations, and emotions were my burden to bear alone. My husband was absorbed in his own world, indifferent to mine.
As a result, I found myself in counseling alone—a contradiction, as my husband refused to participate. This led me to invest over a decade in studying love, relationships, and the intricacies of marriage and divorce.
1. Emotional Neglect: Absence of Concern and Warmth
There were countless instances when I felt abandoned in my worries. For example, before my mother's passing, I expressed my fears about my husband’s business trip. He dismissed my concerns with anger, stating that my mother had been unwell for years and left without me.
Similarly, when our child underwent surgery, I begged him to accompany me to the hospital, but he prioritized his work. Even simple requests, like being picked up after a dental procedure, were met with indifference. His reaction to my high-risk surgery and a car accident involving our children was the same—he was too preoccupied to offer support.
2. Emotional Neglect: Lack of Interest and Validation
My husband's disinterest in my achievements was pervasive. Despite my years of writing, he never read my work, even after I was published. He never acknowledged my professional milestones or my dedication to community service.
When I mourned the loss of my mother, he fell asleep beside me, oblivious to my grief. His dismissive attitude extended to important moments, where he often claimed I was overreacting or needed to be more fun. His distractions during our conversations, whether staring at screens or ignoring me, reinforced my sense of isolation.
3. Emotional Neglect: Absence of Connection
Our marriage resembled a series of parallel lives, where we coexisted but rarely connected. We participated in shared activities, yet I felt emotionally unfulfilled. My husband's passive-aggressive behavior allowed him to avoid engaging with me, perpetuating our emotional distance.
Emotional neglect can manifest in various ways, whether through silence or indifference. It creates a void where emotional intimacy should flourish—a lack of sharing, caring, and genuine connection.
I often sought emotional support from friends and family because my husband was unavailable. The truth is, living with someone who doesn't care about your feelings is profoundly painful. While I knew on some level that he loved me, it was a distorted version of love devoid of healthiness.
In the video "7 Signs of Emotional Neglect in Marriage," Sharmen Kimbrough discusses key indicators of emotional neglect that can affect marital relationships.
Dr. Jonice Webb elaborates on how emotional neglect in marriage can lead to significant relationship issues in her video "Emotional Neglect in Marriage: How it Makes Relationships Go Wrong."