Section 1.1: Heart

To inspire a group or individual, you must forge a heartfelt connection. A glance at any list of history’s greatest leaders will reveal monumental figures who achieved just that. A meticulously crafted, pleasant-sounding speech delivered via teleprompter will lose its audience as soon as they see the script reflecting back at them instead of seeing themselves. A lengthy pep talk in an email isn’t motivational; it’s merely a scavenger hunt with the title: “Is there anything in here that relates to me?” While face-to-face interactions are optimal, it’s the emotion in your voice—and the expression on your face—that truly matters. To motivate, you must share your feelings with others, whether through laughter or tears. People are inspired when they feel deeply.

Ironically, a straightforward way to evoke feelings in others is by expressing how they impact you. “Your speech today energized me!” or “I’m thrilled to have you on the team!” can empower individuals by letting them know they’re making a difference. This understanding strengthens the heartfelt connection rather than creating a sense of distance through empty compliments. It plants seeds of love, which, when nurtured, can develop into deep-rooted belonging.

Leaders often claim, “My door is always open,” but what good is it if no one wants to enter? If people fear you, they’ll likely only visit when summoned. If they stop seeking you after you’ve “listened” to them, they may have learned that communicating with you is futile. Leaders who connect with their hearts inspire others to seek them out because they create positive feelings.

Humor is one of the most genuine forms of expression—distinct from sarcasm, shame, or disparaging remarks about others’ incompetence. Successful cultures thrive on shared laughter. Observing a meeting can reveal much about the leadership and culture before it even begins. Are attendees glued to their phones? Are they sitting together? What do their expressions reveal? Is there a clear leader, and what are they doing? Do participants seem to enjoy being there? 3H leaders cultivate humor because they recognize its long-term benefits; laughter is, after all, a universal remedy.

Nevertheless, humor has its boundaries. During my time as an 18-year-old camp leader, a mentor asked me to throw a dodgeball at him from ten feet away as a test of courage. I declined, only to hear, “You just failed your test.” While he intended it as a joke, I was left confused. Though that mentor imparted many valuable lessons, this particular “test” did nothing but create a temporary rift. Mind games disempower rather than empower. A 3H leader utilizes heart and humor to uplift and connect.

Leading with heart is simple yet challenging to master. Composure tempers passion, patience moderates ambition, and consideration refines bluntness. Mistakes are inevitable when leading with emotion. However, if leaders maintain a sense of humor about themselves and accept responsibility, the risks are worthwhile. Remarkable leadership moments often stem from emotional bravery. As Technotronic wisely put it, “Pump up the jam.”

Section 1.2: Honor

Honor is a powerful, if somewhat antiquated, term that conjures images of medieval chivalry. For our purposes, let’s define honor as adherence to righteousness and a standard of conduct. While commonly held values like integrity and morality are essential, they often succumb to the subjectivity of human perspective (historical atrocities often arise from misguided beliefs in righteousness). It is well known that diverse teams yield smarter outcomes, so leaders can mitigate the risks of misguided honor by empowering teams with varied perspectives. Beyond that, maintain a thirst for knowledge and improvement.

There’s no need to overthink honor. If you’re reading this, you likely have a foundational understanding similar to others: be kind, honest, diligent, and helpful. However, deeper questions warrant consideration. How often is your honor evident? How frequently does it falter? In what ways does your honor foster belonging?

Individuals respect leaders who visibly act with honor. Did you see the principal sitting with Billy during recess, the boy who is often isolated? The president offered me a day off when he learned my kids were sick. Look! The boss spent an hour cleaning the restroom after Jerry flooded it with TPS reports! Being visible is distinct from self-congratulation. Everyone cringes at leaders who overtly boast about their goodness. Leading by example forms the backbone of effective leadership training and is only as effective as the model being emulated. Our lives reflect the actions of others; leaders serve as role models by default. You can either squander or misuse this responsibility.

Misusing leadership is a clear sign of dishonor. Two pitfalls to avoid are complaining and blaming. A transformative leader steers clear of complaints—that’s a no-go zone. 3H leaders do not sink; they also do not shift blame. Transactional leaders dodge personal accountability, while transformative leaders embrace “Extreme Ownership.” The agony of letting down a respected role model is profound. When that individual shares your burden instead of exacerbating it—then extends a hand to lift you back up—it’s truly inspiring. This cultivates fierce belonging.

To foster a profound sense of belonging, transformative leaders do more than manage operations; they cultivate a familial atmosphere. This is the secret ingredient that propels championship teams like the San Antonio Spurs, Navy SEALS, and the Harry Potter film cast to success. Family honor compels individuals to sacrifice, endure, and forgive; they certainly do not wish to be disowned (i.e., fired). However, leaders mustn’t neglect their own families or their team’s families in the name of honor. 3H leaders recognize that if everyone prioritizes their families—while also receiving the necessary time and flexibility for work-life balance—everyone benefits.

Making exceptions for oneself can harm the organization. It’s not impressive to brag about the privileges enjoyed by those at the top. Enforcing rules that only apply to others doesn’t earn respect. At best, it inspires others to seek power merely to indulge in the same abuses. At worst, it leads to disastrous outcomes. It’s simple: demanding something from others that you are unwilling to do yourself is not honorable.

Doing what’s right also entails self-care. 3H leaders respect their minds, bodies, and spirits. They resemble elite athletes who have mastered pacing. They are prepared, avoiding breakfast mishaps mid-race or collapsing before the finish line. Rather than striving for personal records daily, they aim for small, methodical improvements, maintaining their elite status. They manifest their honor and empower others through the transformative potential of collective effort.