Chapter 1.1: Understanding Relationship Boundaries

I know it’s been painful and confusing to feel alone in this. The toxic behaviors you’ve learned are not your fault; you lacked guidance during these formative years. A true ally wouldn’t allow you to navigate this struggle alone—they would support you with kindness and firm advice, just as I’m doing now.

The ambiguity surrounding your feelings is a clear answer: he’s avoiding you. This avoidance isn’t a reflection of your worth; it’s more about your home life and how it affects you. Before you devise countless ways to change the situation, sit down and listen closely.

Here’s the truth: he is simply not interested in you, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. I know this is hard to accept, especially given the allure he seems to hold as the most desirable guy in high school. But this experience, while difficult, is not a reflection of your value as a partner or as a person. Unrequited love is common, yet no one taught you about healthy relationships. Sometimes, people are simply incompatible.

Dating in high school may not be the right fit for you. While it works for some, it would be more beneficial for you to focus on self-improvement during this time—something you would have preferred had your home life been healthier. After years of struggle, you now have a supportive environment. My space is your space—take the time to cultivate your interests and skills like a character leveling up in a game.

You deserve far better than to yearn for someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. Reserve your passion for your studies, personal growth, and future relationships. Being attracted to multiple people throughout your life doesn’t diminish your value.

You are not the negative labels they placed on you. I’m truly sorry for the pain you endured for so long, but your kindness mattered. It still does.

Your emotional investment should match that of the other person. Your mother and other role models led you astray in this regard. Love shouldn’t feel painful and isolating. You deserve to feel cherished, respected, and valued, just as you offer those feelings to others.

While we can discuss polyamory later, it’s essential to recognize that love should be reciprocal. You can’t continue showering affection on someone who consistently evades it; doing so becomes predatory, and that’s not what you seek.

What you desire is a mutual, intimate connection with the right person—and that’s beautiful. There’s nothing wrong with your aspirations; the issue lies in the person you’ve chosen. You need to find someone who will share that connection with you.

Chapter 1.2: Identifying Healthy Relationships

I know it’s easier said than done. Right now, you’re struggling to interpret social cues, and it feels overwhelming. Here are some signs indicating a guy is genuinely interested in a healthy relationship:

1. He makes an effort to spend time with you outside of school.
2. He shows enthusiasm for your interests and what matters to you.
3. He offers help, showing compassion and understanding.

Navigating these social challenges can be tricky, but with time, these signs will become more apparent. If he’s genuinely interested and a good match, he won’t hide his feelings for long.

If you find yourself in persistent ambiguity, even after seeking clarification, it’s likely that he’s not serious about you. It’s time to walk away from these situations.

Those comforting fantasies you escape into reveal what it would look like if he returned your feelings—but they don’t reflect reality. Your imagination is vast and creative, a beautiful adaptation, but it’s essential to remember it’s not a spiritual guide to your future.

Speaking of possibilities… it’s perfectly okay to be attracted to women, and some may feel the same about you. Acknowledge those feelings. It’s not necessary to push them aside; instead, practice emotional management techniques like mindfulness.

Some aspects of your life will unfold in ways you never anticipated by the time you reach your 30s. However, there’s a hard truth you need to confront sooner rather than later: consider the possibility of estrangement from your family.

While you dream of traveling the world with your mother and brother, the reality is that this dream is at odds with your current fixation on that high school boy. You’re clinging to this obsession as a means to keep your family dream alive, but it’s ultimately futile.

I know this weighs heavily on your mind, buried beneath layers of memories of him. But you must confront this harsh truth: time is slipping away. Although you’ll endure significant losses, you will also emerge stronger.

I’m so sorry you’ll have to let go of this dream for your community. This loss will take a toll on your beautiful spirit, but you will survive it. You’ll go through some of the worst pain imaginable—pain that will isolate you for years. Your high school crush may come to see you in a negative light, just like your friends. You will learn painful truths about those you love most.

Yet, on the other side of this turmoil lies the opportunity to become who you’ve always envisioned. You'll learn about 3D art, transforming all those hours spent daydreaming into a tangible skill. Your creative mind is a powerful tool, and while your thoughts may spiral into depressive episodes, it’s also a source of incredible strength.

My point is this: you are more resilient and capable than you realize. While it may feel like this crush is empowering you, it’s truly you who gives him power in a time when you felt unsupported.

For now, your obsession is a tool for endurance. I can’t change your circumstances, but I assure you, things will improve. One step at a time, we’ll navigate this path together. Even in moments of solitude, I’ll be with you.

There are people out there who genuinely love and appreciate you; you just haven’t crossed paths yet. Please hold on for them and for me. Thank you for everything.

And with that, I feel parts of myself coming alive again.