Chapter 1: Embracing Change

Are you relying on others for your achievements, or are you ready to seize control of your own fate? Ah, I didn't notice you there! While I’m not here to dispense self-improvement advice, I want to share a brief story from my life. This tale takes us back to a time when I was a timid individual, unable to assert myself. Perhaps you can resonate with my experiences—past or present. So, let’s dive in!

Photo by Kevin Schmid on Unsplash In case you lose track, the quotes represent my reflections during that period. “Look at you, shy and weak, unable to advocate for yourself.” I often found myself facing outcomes I despised simply because I was too frightened to express my thoughts. “And then you wonder why things aren't going your way? You fool.”

Photo by Marouane on Unsplash I failed to stand up for my beliefs, allowing others to walk all over me. I was a pushover—lacking in strength and resolve. The fear of losing “friends” and the dread of judgment led me to let people manipulate me, disrespect me, and coerce me into actions I detested, all because I couldn’t say “no.” I witnessed the foolishness around me but remained silent, trying to be “nice.” And you know what? It took a toll.

Photo by regularguy.eth on Unsplash It cost me my sanity, my self-worth, and my precious time. “Why am I associating with you if I can't voice my thoughts?” I found myself entangled in shallow relationships—not just romantic ones—that lacked depth and meaning. “We don’t see eye to eye, and when we converse, I must tread lightly to avoid saying the wrong thing, which creates an uncomfortable atmosphere. Why am I wasting my time on this? I've got better things to do.”

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash I constantly viewed situations through others’ perspectives, neglecting to check if my own viewpoint was intact. I aimed to be considerate, but all it did was allow others to exploit me, belittle me, and treat me poorly. “Don’t worry, I can be out of line; Tony will be fine with it.” I refuse to play the victim; it was my responsibility. I didn’t stand up for myself or set my boundaries, leading to my exploitation. One thing I won’t do is revert to my former self. “I will not be the person who’s overly accommodating and lets everyone walk all over him. I will not accept disrespect, and I will not remain silent out of fear of losing ‘friends’. That version of me is now gone.”

Photo by Mathew MacQuarrie on Unsplash Previously, I prioritized others’ needs over my own, which may seem noble in theory, but in reality, it’s a ticket to being taken advantage of. “Give someone an inch, and they’ll take a mile.” I'm not suggesting that you become entirely self-centered, but I will say this: I was frustrated for too long because when conflicts arose, I mistakenly believed the equation should be: I advocate for myself while you advocate for yourself. The issue was my equation looked like this:

Photo by George Becker You rooted for yourself, yet for some odd reason, I was also rooting for you, leaving no one to support me. How could I expect to achieve the outcomes I deserved? Well…I didn’t. I was content to let others have their way, thinking, “Let me keep the peace; it’s not that significant.” But it was significant because I found myself agreeing to things I disagreed with, feeling weak, while my true feelings remained suppressed under the guise of “keeping the peace.”

Photo by Tj Holowaychuk on Unsplash “Who’s going to advocate for you if you don’t advocate for yourself?” I grappled with this question for a time, not because I didn’t know the answer, but because I was uncertain how to act on it. “I need to be more assertive; I must express my thoughts when I see foolishness unfolding. If I don’t, I’ll feel miserable for allowing myself to be dragged into foolishness. I will build my character and set my boundaries. If I respect yours and you disregard mine, why should I allow you to disrespect me?

Photo by Minator Yang on Unsplash The answer is: FOR NO GOOD REASON! Much has transpired since then; I’ve lost some “friends,” had more disagreements, and been labeled “cold.” On the flip side, I’ve gained confidence, solidified my beliefs, and become much more assertive with my boundaries. I have no time for nonsense anymore. Comparing my past and present, I much prefer who I am now. Thank you for reading. If you're interested in more insightful posts, check these out:

Are you ready to sharpen your skills or let them dull? The choice is yours.

Are you allowing the present to overshadow the potential of your future? “You are too focused on who you are to notice who you could become.”

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SIGNING OUT TONY

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