# The Paradox of Happiness: Why the Pursuit Can Lead to Sadness
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Understanding the Happiness Chase
Happiness. Pursuit.
Everything you’ve ever wanted. Pursuit.
You believed you had it. Pursuit.
The items you wish to own, the experiences you long for—everything is a chase…
Happiness. Pursuit.
Everything you’ve ever wanted. Pursuit.
You thought you achieved it. Pursuit.
The things you wish to flaunt, the people you wish to impress, the ways you want to be perceived. Pursuit.
Filling voids with clicks and taps. Pursuit.
The fitness regime you intend to start, the diet you swear you’ll adhere to, and the dreams that always seem to be postponed. Pursuit, pursuit, pursuit.
Given our unparalleled connectivity and access to information, one might assume we could easily find contentment at our fingertips. With the vast array of resources available online, it seems we should have the secret to what everyone craves… HAPPINESS.
However, the reality is that we often follow superficial ideals, use online shopping as a means to fill emotional gaps, and allow algorithms to bombard us with negativity.
In an age dominated by social media, many are on a relentless quest for happiness, often staring into the abyss of screens. We find ourselves hunched over, inundated by a steady stream of dopamine-inducing content—constantly scrolling through the polished smiles of influencers, seemingly perfect couples, self-anointed experts, and niche content creators.
But why is there such a fixation on attaining happiness? What does being "HAPPY" truly entail?
According to the dictionary, happiness is defined as "feeling or showing pleasure or contentment." If this is indeed what we seek, then it appears we are chasing an intoxicating state of perpetual euphoria, striving for a constant influx of joy. If that's the case, should we not each take a moment to acknowledge our addiction to happiness?
The Pursuit of Happiness and Its Illusions
Pursuing happiness can be likened to trying to capture a handful of air. It leads to a continuous feeling of emptiness. Instead of looking outward for validation, material goods, or lofty aspirations, perhaps it's time to redirect our focus inward. Imagine illuminating your inner self, shifting from the quest for happiness to fostering a sense of PRIDE.
The term "happy" is peculiar. Its meaning varies for each individual attempting to define it. Consider how you feel when someone casually asks, "Are you happy?" For most, unless you’re a character like Patrick Bateman or Joe Davola, it likely feels awkward. A hesitant "Umm... yeah" might be more a nod to social niceties than a genuine affirmation.
If happiness seems like an elusive thief, robbing us of time and focus while yielding no tangible progress, what steps can we take moving forward?
To start, we must abandon the futile chase for lightning in a bottle and instead focus on discovering and nurturing what already exists within. This process hinges on cultivating PRIDE.
Identifying What Makes You Proud
In any pursuit, it’s crucial to determine a meaningful direction for our efforts. By shifting our attention from the desire to be happy to what makes us proud, we can become more specific and intentional in our actions.
How do we begin to highlight our pride? We need to adjust our perspective and search for PROUD MOMENTS within our daily lives. It sounds straightforward, but with a bit of organization, it truly can be.
A recent episode of the Modern Wisdom podcast featured Chris Williamson, who shared a relevant insight:
"You want to permanently be on the lookout for as many reasons to feel good about yourself as possible. Because Lord knows there's enough reasons to feel like shit about yourself." — Chris Williamson, Modern Wisdom Podcast, Episode #718
The key term here is "permanently." Recognizing and experiencing moments of pride is an ongoing practice. It requires consistent focus until it becomes second nature.
Imagine having a dreamcatcher in your mind, capturing over 70,000 daily thoughts. You decide which thoughts deserve your attention and which ones to release. Now, envision optimizing this dreamcatcher to catch instances of pride throughout your day.
For example, perhaps you feel proud of making it to the gym, reading a chapter of a book that had been gathering dust, choosing a homemade meal over fast food, or reacting calmly in a stressful situation. Each day presents countless opportunities to find pride—it's simply a matter of recognizing them.
Initially, you might notice pride in larger achievements, as they’re easier to identify. But as you consistently practice this recognition, you’ll begin to discover pride in the minutiae of your daily life.
Consider a scenario where you woke up early and went to the gym one week. You felt proud of that accomplishment and planned to continue the routine. The following week, however, you found it challenging to get out of bed, yet you still managed to lace up your shoes and head out. Reflecting on this moment, you may find that you’re prouder of overcoming that internal struggle than of the gym visit itself.
As you cultivate this practice, your consistency will build momentum, leading to discipline, which in turn nurtures pride.
Capturing Moments of Pride
Now that we recognize the need to spotlight our proud moments, how can we effectively organize and document these instances to ensure they are consistently acknowledged?
Like any important information we want to retain, we must write it down. We want to avoid the disappointment of reaching the end of the day without recognizing our achievements. This necessitates establishing a new habit.
Creating new habits can be challenging, so simplicity is key to ensure action is taken rather than merely being in motion.
"We are so focused on figuring out the best approach that we never get around to taking action. Action is the type of behavior that will deliver results." — James Clear, Atomic Habits, p. 142-143
When we remain in motion, we plan and strategize but often don't accomplish anything substantial.
To prevent our efforts from devolving into overwhelming task lists, let's simplify our approach. Whether you prefer pen and paper or digital notes, choose a method that is easy and promotes consistency.
Begin each morning with the following prompt:
Today I will be PROUD of myself when…
- XXXXX
- XXXXX
- XXXXX
Then, in the evening, reflect on your day:
Today I am PROUD I…
- XXXXX
- XXXXX
- XXXXX
If journaling is already a part of your routine, consider this an extension of that practice. For those new to journaling, this simple exercise can serve as a gentle introduction.
To avoid this practice turning into a mere checklist, keep the morning and evening prompts separate. In fact, it may be beneficial to never revisit your morning list. The goal is to set a mindset geared towards making yourself proud each day.
As you engage in this nightly reflection, you may find your evening list expanding from three items to even more. This expansion is a positive sign that you are recognizing increasing numbers of moments to take pride in.
Before long, you might ask yourself, "Why?" Why are you proud of a particular moment? What led you to notice it today? As you articulate these thoughts, you will cultivate a deeper understanding of your daily achievements.
There is a wealth of reasons for each of us to feel proud. Make it a priority to seek out and acknowledge these moments. As this practice becomes ingrained, you’ll discover that the relentless pursuit of happiness need not lead to disappointment. Instead, you will find fulfillment in your PRIDE.
Celebrate Every Achievement
Be PROUD of sending that text you hesitated over.
Be PROUD of choosing the gym over fast food.
Be PROUD of your improved patience, and of apologizing more swiftly.
Be PROUD of resisting the snooze button.
Be PROUD of your efforts.
Be PROUD of your progress compared to yesterday.
Be PROUD of stepping outside your comfort zone.
Be PROUD of the kindness shown by your children.
Be PROUD of exploring new hobbies like painting.
Be PROUD of your commitment to personal growth.
Be PROUD of the work done when no one was watching.
Be PROUD of proving doubters wrong.
Be PROUD of seeking assistance when needed.
Be PROUD of your patience.
JUST BE PROUD.
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Thank you for your time!