Chapter 1: Understanding Reader-Writer Dynamics

Since mid-2018, I have shared my journey as a self-help writer on Medium. Throughout this period, I've encountered a variety of unusual interactions with my audience. While most of these experiences have been quite positive, I've grown curious about recurring themes in the criticisms that both I and fellow writers have faced through direct messages and comments. My intention in sharing this is to prompt us all to reflect on our purpose within this platform.

Now, let's delve into six notable experiences!

Articles we published in the past may not align with our current thoughts and feelings. Yet, readers often anticipate that our beliefs should remain unchanged over time. When we express differing views in our articles, some readers perceive this as a lack of integrity. As writers, it’s essential to acknowledge that evolving our perspectives is part of growth. If we never adjust our viewpoints or the subtleties of our expressions, we might be stagnating.

Whenever we discuss accountability, it seems to trigger a strong emotional response from readers. Some may resort to extreme labels or accusations, despite our efforts to acknowledge the reality of victimization and oppression. Most of us on this platform genuinely advocate for justice and progressive change.

Readers often expect us to provide an article that encompasses every conceivable nuance and perspective, all while maintaining conciseness and clarity. This is an unrealistic expectation for various reasons.

As professionals or experts, audiences frequently assume they are entitled to access all our insights and methods for free, as if their interest grants them this privilege. They overlook the substantial life experiences, education, and investments that have shaped our expertise. The expectation to freely share extensive advice online is not reasonable, especially when they would likely refrain from making similar requests in person. It's important to appreciate the value of the information shared, rather than taking it for granted.

Some commenters approach feedback as if they are grading an academic paper, even though they may have never contributed their own work to Medium or any public platform. My usual response to such critics is, "That's an excellent idea! Please proceed with your article, and I would love to read it!" It's far easier to critique than to create something with depth and originality, and it takes a lot less courage to critique than to share one's own work.

In our field of self-help, we occasionally face attacks on our credibility, with individuals making unfounded assumptions about our potential impact. It’s apparent that such critics would not make suitable clients. It’s peculiar how the comments section can serve as an unsolicited review of someone without prior collaboration.

If we analyze these patterns further, it appears many readers engage with a "Gotcha" mentality, seeking to expose flaws or gaps in our reasoning to elevate their own sense of superiority. This behavior often stems from underlying feelings of inadequacy.

As a reminder, it's crucial to recognize that shame often accompanies low self-worth. Readers who routinely leave harsh comments may be grappling with their own struggles, using Medium as an outlet for temporary relief from personal pain.

Despite this, I maintain that all feedback and criticism, no matter how painful, hold value for me and all writers. This is why I choose to keep most comments visible in my section. I believe that every perspective deserves a place, even if it initially causes discomfort.

I take the time to process their feedback, evaluate their points, and sometimes I find my perspective shifting as a result. Other times, I recognize that the response was merely a reflection of someone having a tough day, projecting their frustrations onto me. My hope is that these individuals find peace, self-love, and empathy.

To everyone on this vibrant platform, may we cultivate greater self-love and break free from shame! Let's take moments to reflect on our motivations—both as writers and readers.

I wish you success in your writing and reading endeavors on Medium!

Thank you for engaging with my work!

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