Chapter 1: Embracing Change

This entry is part of a weekly diary aimed at transforming intellectual insights into practical wisdom. What does that entail? I’ve delved into numerous books on happiness and even authored one myself. While I could pen countless articles about cognitive processes, I find myself weary of merely discussing theories without applying them to my life. Thus, this diary serves as my personal arena for wisdom cultivation. Weekly, I’ll assess how I can enact change based on my intellectual understanding.

New Year, New Possibilities?

The season for New Year’s resolutions has arrived. Two opposing views often emerge: one group urging you to become the “ideal you” — fitter, healthier, wiser, and more productive; while another acknowledges that many people abandon their resolutions by February, leaving them as the “average you” yet again.

I find this time of year invigorating — it allows for reflection on the past year's events (often, I’m astonished by how much has transpired, even if it all felt like a blur) and gives me a chance to set new goals for the year ahead. Despite the reality that many objectives go unfulfilled, I remain excited about the potential for new experiences and improvements in my life.

Certain goals appear regularly on my list: “Improve my posture,” “Exercise more,” “Cook regularly” — the typical healthy habits everyone aims for. These resolutions typically follow a similar pattern: simple actions beneficial for one’s well-being that often go unachieved. Why is that? Because competing influences make it challenging: opting for vegetables over junk food, prioritizing exercise over binge-watching TV, or addressing the demands of work and family life.

Despite this knowledge, I still enthusiastically jot down many of the same resolutions each year with a renewed sense of optimism. I realize that aspirations like “Improve my posture” now hold a different meaning for me in 2024 compared to previous years. I now practice stretching for five minutes most days, a change I didn’t make before. Consequently, “improve my posture” has evolved into specific, contextual actions such as “avoid sitting for more than 25 minutes” and “work at my desk rather than in bed.” Although I may not conclude the year with perfect posture, I anticipate it will be an improvement over last year.

I also relish using the new year as a time for expansive thinking. What do I hope to achieve by year’s end? I allow myself to envision ambitious projects (like writing a book) or significant life changes (such as starting a family). It’s enjoyable to imagine a dramatically different life, even if I understand that, realistically, my life will probably remain quite similar.

After establishing my grand aspirations, I follow the same method to adjust my daily habits — considering the systems needed to attain these goals. If I plan to write a book, what daily writing routine should I adopt? If I’m contemplating starting a family, what preparations are necessary for such a substantial shift? Most resolutions falter because they concentrate solely on the final result while neglecting the continuous process required to achieve it.

As I compile my optimistic list of healthy habits and life aspirations for 2024, coupled with the systems designed to realize them, I’m left wondering why it feels so unfulfilling after just two weeks. Although I am making progress as intended, life still feels relatively unchanged. What’s happening?

The Life You Aspire to vs. the Life You Lead

In last week's diary entry, I discussed the difference between what one possesses versus what one desires in terms of attachment. After spending 15 years studying the nature of reality and the workings of the mind, this distinction has emerged as one of my most significant learnings. It resonates with what Iain McGilchrist describes regarding the right versus left brain hemispheres. Charles Eisenstein articulates it as the narrative of separation versus connection, while evolutionary biologists refer to an organism's ability to exploit versus explore its environment, and personality psychologists talk about the meta-traits of plasticity versus stability.

This understanding sheds light on why concentrating solely on my goals can leave me feeling unfulfilled.

Consider this perspective: There are two primary approaches to life. The first involves responding to your current reality, while the second centers on identifying what your life lacks and striving to acquire it. Both methods can lead to action, but the latter is generally more intentional. New Year's resolutions and goal-setting exemplify this second approach: envisioning what you desire and pursuing it.

However, many meaningful experiences in life stem from the first approach. Recall the last time you encountered something unexpectedly beautiful: perhaps a breathtaking sunset on your commute, the sound of birds singing as you defrosted your car, or a delightful conversation with a friend who reached out for support. None of these moments were planned, nor did they propel you closer to your objectives. Yet, they enriched your day and made you feel vibrantly alive.

The reason this first approach cultivates a sense of aliveness is that it encourages genuine engagement with life as it unfolds. Life is intricate and multifaceted, filled with uncertainty and vibrancy. Most of reality is often overlooked simply because we cannot absorb it all while managing daily tasks. Yet, occasionally, unexpected moments resonate deeply, making you feel connected to the world around you.

Conversely, when you fixate solely on your goals, you create a reality that is largely self-constructed. This view tends to be binary, categorizing experiences as either beneficial or detrimental to your objectives. Such a mindset overlooks the opportunities for beauty and connection, deeming them irrelevant to progress. Your focus shifts towards altering circumstances rather than appreciating them as they are.

Pursuing goals is not inherently negative; however, it's crucial to remember that in doing so, you risk missing out on the richness of reality.

Awakening to Balance

As I mentioned, I enjoy setting new goals at the start of each year and am enthusiastic about the systems that will ideally guide me toward my aspirations. Yet, in the excitement of new beginnings, I can easily become engrossed in my plans, often spending my days checking off tasks and assessing my progress across multiple areas. While this is efficient, it often lacks true significance.

My recent epiphany — the realization that my goals may not hold the weight I previously thought — came after learning about my father’s health issues. The following day, despite continuing my routine of making strides towards my goals, I felt a lack of satisfaction and importance in what I was doing. When juxtaposed with my father's health, my goals seemed trivial. Ultimately, I care far more about my loved ones.

Does this mean I should abandon my goals to focus solely on relationships? Not necessarily. The essential takeaway is that pursuing goals typically requires narrowing your perspective. It's important to recognize that your aspirations often do not encompass what truly matters in your life. To chase these objectives, you may unintentionally overlook more significant aspects of your existence.

Awareness of this fact encourages a search for equilibrium between your goals and what genuinely matters — balancing what your life currently lacks with the reality of your existing circumstances. This could mean dedicating less energy to achieving every goal and more to nurturing relationships or other significant aspects of life. Alternatively, it might involve setting aside time each day to step back from plans and systems, grounding yourself in the present moment. This could take the form of a walk, meditation, journaling gratitude, enjoying a friend’s company, or engaging in music.

For me, solace comes from a daily 30-minute walk, rain or shine (and lately, it’s been much more rain than shine) before starting my workday. I’m consistently amazed at how this simple act connects me to myself and the world, reminding me of what genuinely matters beyond my goals and routines.

I’m aware there’s room for improvement in my quest for balance between these two fundamentally different life approaches. For now, I’m content to reflect on my achievements this year and see where they lead.

If you’re interested in more insights like this, consider signing up for my free weekly newsletter, Human Thoughts.

Chapter 2: Practical Wisdom

This video titled "Get Rid of Past Regrets | Do This Now to Stop Feeling Guilty | Buddhist Teachings | Buddhism" explores practical techniques to alleviate guilt and regret, highlighting the importance of living in the present.

In the video "Wisdom Diaries Pt.1," the discussion revolves around the deeper insights gained from personal experiences and reflections, emphasizing the journey towards wisdom.