Chapter 1: The Joyful Exclamations of a Child

Recently, my three-year-old daughter has developed a delightful habit of expressing her emotions openly. While at a restaurant last weekend, she joyfully shouted from her highchair, "HAAAAAPPPPPYYYYYY!!!!!" And indeed, her happiness was palpable.

Her favorite food is pizza—specifically, pepperoni pizza. Just the other day, when our pizza arrived, she eagerly approached the box, opened it, and joyously exclaimed once again, "happy!" Whether she’s playing with her cherished toys, crafting with her grandma, spending time with me, or having fun with her uncle, the refrain remains the same—“HAPPY!”

She is genuinely happy most of the time. Her moments of sadness only occur when I have to take her away from something she enjoys. This made me reflect on my own inner dialogue—something I believe many of us experience. I began to realize that when I repetitively tell myself something, I often end up feeling that way.

For instance, I frequently (both silently and audibly) declare to myself that I am tired or stressed. I cycle through these negative feelings repeatedly, even if I don’t genuinely feel that way. This pattern of negative self-talk arises because I believe I should be feeling those emotions.

I catch myself thinking about how I should have slept better the night before or considering the workload awaiting me, rather than acknowledging my actual feelings. This brings me back to my daughter, who has no reason to feel anything but joy. Surrounded by toys and always having her beloved pizza in the house, her needs are well taken care of. Someone (me) even helps her with her basic needs.

She radiates happiness because that is her true feeling, unclouded by negative self-talk that might suggest otherwise. Conversely, I might be genuinely happy, yet my negative inner dialogue can lead me to feel tired, stressed, or any number of other unfavorable emotions.

Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny. — Lao Tzu

Being mindful and fully present can significantly reduce negative self-talk. When we immerse ourselves in the moment, akin to how a three-year-old experiences life without the burdens and obligations that adults face, we can genuinely feel what we feel at that time.

In this way, we can diminish the worrying, planning, and endless comparisons we make between ourselves and others, as well as all the unnecessary thoughts that lead to stress and discontent. Therefore, if we’re tired, it’s because we genuinely are, and it’s time to take action. If we’re stressed, it signifies a need for resolution.

We can gain clarity on how to nurture ourselves and foster growth. More often than not, we will discover that we are feeling happiness, and when we do encounter discomfort, it will often be something that can be addressed to return us to our inherent state of joy.

Despite the wisdom of Taoist philosophies and the insights from my daughter, sometimes we require additional support to achieve happiness. Just as we address physical health, we should also prioritize our mental well-being, which may include seeking professional help. There is no shame in pursuing therapy; in fact, it is a proactive step towards overcoming challenges and finding solutions.

Engaging in positive self-talk can be impactful, though it may not always suffice. Remaining present is an immensely effective strategy, yet mastering it doesn’t happen overnight. Just like we train our muscles to become stronger, we must also train our minds to resist negative and misleading thoughts.

The encouraging news is that mindfulness can be practiced anywhere, at any time. With consistent practice, it becomes increasingly easier to keep unproductive negative self-talk at bay. It only takes a few deep breaths and a focus on the present moment.

Next time you find yourself grappling with anxious, negative, or unproductive thoughts, remember my three-year-old loudly declaring her happiness. Then, at the top of your inner voice, shout "happy" to yourself, and notice how much better you begin to feel.

Chapter 2: The Power of Mindfulness

Section 2.1: The Impact of Negative Self-Talk

Exploring how negative self-talk can shape our emotions and experiences...

Subsection 2.1.1: Strategies for Positive Self-Talk